Patterns...habits?  Oh! Yes, I've plenty.  Seems one of my favorites was, rushing in!  So wanting to finally have!  So needing to be a part of!  So desiring a life with someone with some normalcy!  Like the troops that storm a village to burst!  I'd rush in overwhelmingly so...."MARRY ME! NOW!!" 
I'd never get to know 'her'....I figured, I can handle anything if it comes up!  Two weeks later....six months later....one year later...It's just not working!  Nothing, is working!  I know 'her' better than 'she' knows 'herself'....yet, 'she' still doesn't know,  I hate spaghetti!  She doesn't get that I need olive oil soap.  That I like the bed made instantly!  That I need to be seduced!  She doesn't get anything I need!!  I can't talk to her!  It hurts her feelings, she intimidated by me!  And, I'm picking on her!  I can't talk to anyone!  There is no one but her in my life!  She's jealous!  She begins to question my trust.  But it's her who's eyes now wander!  It's really over!!  She said so!  She now runs to be more and more with her girlfriends.  They fix her up with someone else.  She's seeing someone behind my back and thinks I don't know!  Our discussions point to terminate!  Okay, I'm young!  She's older than I.  I try to understand.  I'm not that "girlie" communicator!  I'm not that "girlie" conversationalist that openly confesses every little thing!  I just don't!  I'm not a "girl!"
I sink into music lyrics, seeking songs that say and express how I feel!  She, doesn't get it.  She doesn't understand!  I still, can't explain how I feel!  I can't get the words together!  I'm so hurt!  I feel so misunderstood!  But, it's all my fault!! It's my fault!  It's over!!  We're not even friends!  I never see her, again!

I'm now in a strange apartment, alone!  What do I think?  I don't know!  I don't even want to feel!  I get down on my hands and knees and re-finish the hardwood floors one square at a time!  I scrub the bathroom until it sparkles!  I paint the walls, scrape the windows and endlessly clean the kitchen so clean that I can eat off the floor or counter!  I cook for myself.  I iron every shirt I own.  I even iron my tee-shirts!  My trousers have creases in them that could split a hair!
DO I WANT ANOTHER WOMAN??......NO!
I just want to be left alone!!
Do I want a phone?....No!  I'll never give anyone my number ever again!
I go to work everyday.  I earn a nice salary.  I've begun to save again!  I go to a movie once in a while.
I'm thinking of going back to school.  I'm planning to move into the country.

I decide to get back into my carpentry trade for a while and build bookcases, loft beds, couches, chairs and anything large I can think of.  The pounding of a hammer to the nail heads feels good to me!  Seeing flat boards take on a new form surprises me!  I have lots of customers and requests for my work.  Within six months, I'm ready to leave!
Will I miss the city?  I don't care!
DO I WANT A WOMAN?......NO!!
She never touched me, none of them ever touched me!  Too bad for them!
Does she miss me?  Probably not!!  I'll never know!  I don't care!
That's all it took!  Just a few!  I wasn't even 20 years old!

So, Guess what!??....Yes, 24 years later, 3 degrees and a private practice established as a Naturopathic Doctor in a small town, here I am!  I only see women associated with my practice!  I travel a bit.  I lecture at schools.  I'm working on my first book.  I've had a lot of time to grow and think!  I've changed a lot!  I miss having a family.  I miss children.  I miss being loved!  My patients and clients love and adore me, respect me and think I'm most gifted in a healing way!  They don't want me to ever leave.  I even do house calls for those who can't get out or late night emergencies.  I've delivered 3 babies!

I'm a bit tired!  I haven't had a vacation in a long, long time!  I have a wonderful home and I still iron my shirts and trousers!  I keep myself fit and take good care of my body physically!  I don't have any animals!  I play flute, taught myself!  I speak four different languages, fluently! 
I realize that there is no other mate for me except a woman.
DO I WANT A WOMAN IN MY LIFE?......NO!!!
Though, quite a few have expressed an interest in me over the years!  I've turned them down!
WHY?.....Because they just keep serving me spaghetti and I hate spaghetti!!!!

So, like I said....I'm going on vacation!  I've booked a 3 month cruise to Europe!  No escape!  I'm forced to stay put and relax!!!  Yes, I've got first class accommodations all the way!  My home is secure.  My clients and patients have all been informed and I'm packed!  The taxi will be here in a few minutes to pick me up!

My first three weeks on board were incredibly marvelous!  I'd dine in my private quarters and then would spend every late evening sitting on deck!  I didn't read a book and I didn't write once!  I had no thoughts.  I felt so at peace within myself that if I died at that moment, I'd feel my life was complete!  I continued to spend my evenings on deck until a woman approached me one night. 

Her opening line was, "Hi, do you mind if I join you?"
How could I mind her joining me when I wasn't doing anything?
"If you like." was my reply!
Then, she began...."I notice you've been out here every evening, are you alright?"
Because I'm sitting here, every evening means I'm not alright????  I turned to her and said, "What makes you think I'm not alright?"
She actually said, "Because you're so handsome a woman and seem so lonely and withdrawn!"
Yes, I turned away from her!
She said, "My name is Amanda and I hope I haven't bothered you, good evening."
She got up and walked away!
I honestly can not tell you what she looked like!  I swear I didn't look at her for more than a few seconds!  Yet, I sat and thought, lonely?  And withdrawn?  What did she mean?  And how could she know?  Was I, lonely?  I don't know!?  I was on vacation.  The idea was to do nothing, to think nothing and just leave myself alone!  Withdrawn?...I guess having dinner in my cabin meant I wasn't up to socializing!  I didn't want to make any false friends or meaningless acquaintances!  And, that was all the thought I gave Amandas' comment to me!

The following evening after my dinner, I sat upon deck once more.  I had my 
eyes closed just listening to the evening breeze until I heard a feminine 
voice say, "Good evening Dr. Dana Lassen."
I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful blue skirt softly shifting with the 
breeze before me. 
I glanced up to see a beautiful woman and said, "Good evening, do I know you?"
"Amanda Hurly, we met the other evening.  I asked the steward your name, I 
hope you don't mind!"
"Well, my manners, I'm sorry, excuse me.  Please, won't you have a seat Miss 
Hurly or is it Mrs. Hurly?"
"It's Amanda, please."
She sat beside me and I turned to face her and said, "Is there something I 
can do for you Miss Hurly?"
"Perhaps you can Dr. Lassen.  You see, I've got this problem with my heart!"
"I'm not a surgeon Miss Hurly.  I'm a Naturopathic Doctor.  I deal with 
holistics, Accupressure and Acupuncture.  I've even delivered a few children!"
"I'm....In-Love...Dr. Lassen!"
"I see!  And how is it you think I can assist you Miss Hurly?"
"I'd like it very much if you'd accept my invitation to dinner tomorrow 
evening in my cabin!"
She handed me a card and stood up!  I stood up!  She said, "Good night Dr. 
Lassen!"  And, I watched her float away!

I sat down and opened the card she handed me, which had her cabin number upon 
it and that dinner was at 7pm!  Her cabin was opposite mine!!
Then,  I realized what she said!!!!  IN-LOVE???!!!  How could my having 
dinner with her in her cabin tomorrow evening help her if she was in-love???
I've certainly assisted some of my clients in their personal affairs before 
but how could I possibly help Miss Hurly?  In-Love, God!  what does she want 
me to do?  Help her go after who she's in-love with or what???
I'm suppose to be on vacation!!!

I sat up all night trying to imagine how to even assist this woman who was 
requesting this private consultation with me!  I even tried to think up 
excuses of how to bow out!!  I couldn't think of any!
I canceled my evening dinner for my cabin for that evening and literally 
spent the day in my room!
I began to get ready at 6:30pm taking a shower and putting on a nice suit!  I 
had no idea what Miss Hurly was going to ask me and tried to keep my mind 
clear as I politely knocked upon her cabin door promptly at 7pm!

She opened her door to me and my God she was dressed so beautifully I 
couldn't speak at first!  She had a beautiful black evening dress on and was 
simply stunning to view. 
There was a small dining table set in her cabin with candles lit, wine and 
covered dishes...the works!!!  Even soft music played!
She said, "Good evening Dr. Lassen, I'm so glad you decided to come.  You 
look so handsome, please come in."
"Miss Hurly, you look magnificent if I may say so."
"Thank you Dr. Lassen."
I followed her to the table and politely sat her and sat myself opposite her.
She literally proceeded to serve me!!!
When she poured the wine to my glass I said, "Miss Hurly....."  she stopped 
pouring the wine and looked into my eyes so softly.  "....Amanda, I'm afraid 
I don't understand!?"
She so calmly said, "I guess it's been a long time for you Dr. Lassen and I 
perhaps don't know all of the circumstances that surround your personal 
affairs but I've never not trusted my heart and I know when it's in-love!"
"Miss Hurly....Amanda, I'm sorry, how many times has your heart been in-love 
before?"
"This is the first time Dr. Lassen and I'm just a little fearful, but it's a 
wonderful fearful!"
"Fearful?"
"Yes, fearful!!"
"Miss Hurly, are you saying what I think I'm hearing?"
"What do you think you're hearing Dr. Lassen?"
"Are you actually saying you're... in-love.....with me?"
"Yes...I am!"
"Oh! My God!  What have I done to.....?"  She stood up and came to stand near 
me.  I literally felt myself tremble as she approached me!
She touched my hair so softly and held my face in her hands and she actually 
leaned down to kiss me.
I stood up and looked at her.  She reached to place her arms over my 
shoulders and leaned to kiss me again.
It took me a while, but I did place my hands to hold her and I did return her 
kiss to her, embracing her in my arms.
She continued to kiss with me so deeply, so sweetly to surrender.  It seemed 
as if she were melting my shell away that was so hardened and she knew it!
I felt myself actually loosen.  That's when she stopped kissing me!
She took my hand and picked up her wine glass and told me to pick up my wine 
glass as she took me to her bedroom.
I watched her sip her wine and put the glass down.  She removed the glass 
from my hand after I took a sip.  Then, she began to remove my jacket very 
slowly as she gently embraced my arms.
She unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it from my trousers.
Then, she literally turned me to sit at the edge of her bed and handed me my 
wine glass.
I can't tell you.....I sat and watched her very slowly, very hotly, very open 
passioned strip her clothes off her body right before my eyes!
The only light in the cabin was from the candles upon the table.
She danced so incredibly sybaritic before me, so naked, so beautiful was her 
form to shape!
Then, she stood so in front of me as my eyes were so helplessly locked onto 
her.  She removed the wine glass from my hand and took my hands and placed 
them upon her breasts and squeezed my hands to squeeze her breasts as she 
openly moaned and sighed with the forced touch.
I stood up, feeling half out of my mind!!
She removed my shirt, then she put her warm, naked arms over my shoulders and 
pressed her hot body to mine. 
She openly said to me, "Love me Dr. Lassen and if you can't remember how, 
then FUCK ME!"
I put my arms around her and embraced her so fully to kiss her.
I turned her to lay her upon the bed and laid myself against her, still with 
my trousers on and slowly began to ravish her burning hot flesh as she moaned 
and roamed so deeply underneath my weight.  She felt so incredible to touch 
and taste, I can't begin to tell you!
She drove me out of my mind with desire for her.  I loved her so tenderly 
until she bit my shoulder and dug her nails into my back and arms and 
demanded I fuck her senselessly.
She rose me from the dead and out burst a most insanely taking soul escaped 
that I fucked her so intensely we fell off the bed and were rolling all over 
the floor!  I was insane for her, she had me insane for her!  She had me so 
beyond myself, I didn't know who I was!
Her screams were so intense she tore a pillow apart with her teeth!!!
We laid in a pool of wet love and ravish, barely able to breathe!
She literally rolled herself to lay on top of me and said, "Oh! Dr. Lassen, 
I'm so IN-LOVE with you!  It's been a long time for you hasn't it Doc!  But I 
just want you to know, I'm not letting you get away!  I'm just beginning, so 
tell me Doc....Tell me how you feel baby!  I won't leave you!"
"Amanda...Oh! God!..."  I began to cry!!!

She held me like I was her baby!  She kissed my face, she embraced my soul in her arms, she told me I deserved the world!  Then, Amanda did the one thing I never, ever dreamt of!  Amanda tenderly made love to my virgin self!

For the remaining month and a half of the cruise, Amanda and I grew to know one another.  Our days and evenings were spent talking.  She had me conversing and confessing my soul to her about my full self and all I honestly desired.  My past, my present and yes, even my future....our future.  She gave me an undivided attention that I never knew existed and I gave her the same time.

Upon our return to solid ground, Amanda and I continued our relationship and it took us a year and a half before we decided to live together because we wanted to both be sure!
And Amanda......never serves me spaghetti of any kind!