Patterns...habits? Oh! Yes,
I've plenty. Seems one of my favorites was, rushing in! So
wanting to finally have! So needing to be a part of! So desiring
a life with someone with some normalcy! Like the troops that storm
a village to burst! I'd rush in overwhelmingly so...."MARRY ME! NOW!!"
I'd never get to know 'her'....I
figured, I can handle anything if it comes up! Two weeks later....six
months later....one year later...It's just not working! Nothing,
is working! I know 'her' better than 'she' knows 'herself'....yet,
'she' still doesn't know, I hate spaghetti! She doesn't get
that I need olive oil soap. That I like the bed made instantly!
That I need to be seduced! She doesn't get anything I need!!
I can't talk to her! It hurts her feelings, she intimidated by me!
And, I'm picking on her! I can't talk to anyone! There is no
one but her in my life! She's jealous! She begins to question
my trust. But it's her who's eyes now wander! It's really over!!
She said so! She now runs to be more and more with her girlfriends.
They fix her up with someone else. She's seeing someone behind my
back and thinks I don't know! Our discussions point to terminate!
Okay, I'm young! She's older than I. I try to understand.
I'm not that "girlie" communicator! I'm not that "girlie" conversationalist
that openly confesses every little thing! I just don't! I'm
not a "girl!"
I sink into music lyrics, seeking
songs that say and express how I feel! She, doesn't get it.
She doesn't understand! I still, can't explain how I feel!
I can't get the words together! I'm so hurt! I feel so misunderstood!
But, it's all my fault!! It's my fault! It's over!! We're not
even friends! I never see her, again!
I'm now in a strange apartment, alone!
What do I think? I don't know! I don't even want to feel!
I get down on my hands and knees and re-finish the hardwood floors one
square at a time! I scrub the bathroom until it sparkles! I
paint the walls, scrape the windows and endlessly clean the kitchen so
clean that I can eat off the floor or counter! I cook for myself.
I iron every shirt I own. I even iron my tee-shirts! My trousers
have creases in them that could split a hair!
DO I WANT ANOTHER WOMAN??......NO!
I just want to be left alone!!
Do I want a phone?....No!
I'll never give anyone my number ever again!
I go to work everyday. I earn
a nice salary. I've begun to save again! I go to a movie once
in a while.
I'm thinking of going back to school.
I'm planning to move into the country.
I decide to get back into my carpentry
trade for a while and build bookcases, loft beds, couches, chairs and anything
large I can think of. The pounding of a hammer to the nail heads
feels good to me! Seeing flat boards take on a new form surprises
me! I have lots of customers and requests for my work. Within
six months, I'm ready to leave!
Will I miss the city? I don't
DO I WANT A WOMAN?......NO!!
She never touched me, none of them
ever touched me! Too bad for them!
Does she miss me? Probably
not!! I'll never know! I don't care!
That's all it took! Just a
few! I wasn't even 20 years old!
So, Guess what!??....Yes, 24 years
later, 3 degrees and a private practice established as a Naturopathic Doctor
in a small town, here I am! I only see women associated with my practice!
I travel a bit. I lecture at schools. I'm working on my first
book. I've had a lot of time to grow and think! I've changed
a lot! I miss having a family. I miss children. I miss
being loved! My patients and clients love and adore me, respect me
and think I'm most gifted in a healing way! They don't want me to
ever leave. I even do house calls for those who can't get out or
late night emergencies. I've delivered 3 babies!
I'm a bit tired! I haven't
had a vacation in a long, long time! I have a wonderful home and
I still iron my shirts and trousers! I keep myself fit and take good
care of my body physically! I don't have any animals! I play
flute, taught myself! I speak four different languages, fluently!
I realize that there is no other
mate for me except a woman.
DO I WANT A WOMAN IN MY LIFE?......NO!!!
Though, quite a few have expressed
an interest in me over the years! I've turned them down!
WHY?.....Because they just keep
serving me spaghetti and I hate spaghetti!!!!
So, like I said....I'm going on vacation!
I've booked a 3 month cruise to Europe! No escape! I'm forced
to stay put and relax!!! Yes, I've got first class accommodations
all the way! My home is secure. My clients and patients have
all been informed and I'm packed! The taxi will be here in a few
minutes to pick me up!
My first three weeks on board were
incredibly marvelous! I'd dine in my private quarters and then would
spend every late evening sitting on deck! I didn't read a book and
I didn't write once! I had no thoughts. I felt so at peace
within myself that if I died at that moment, I'd feel my life was complete!
I continued to spend my evenings on deck until a woman approached me one
Her opening line was, "Hi, do you
mind if I join you?"
How could I mind her joining me
I wasn't doing anything?
"If you like." was my reply!
Then, she began...."I notice you've
been out here every evening, are you alright?"
Because I'm sitting here, every
evening means I'm not alright???? I turned to her and said, "What
makes you think I'm not alright?"
She actually said, "Because you're
so handsome a woman and seem so lonely and withdrawn!"
Yes, I turned away from her!
She said, "My name is Amanda and
I hope I haven't bothered you, good evening."
She got up and walked away!
I honestly can not tell you what
she looked like! I swear I didn't look at her for more than a few
seconds! Yet, I sat and thought, lonely? And withdrawn?
What did she mean? And how could she know? Was I, lonely?
I don't know!? I was on vacation. The idea was to do nothing,
to think nothing and just leave myself alone! Withdrawn?...I guess
having dinner in my cabin meant I wasn't up to socializing! I didn't
want to make any false friends or meaningless acquaintances! And,
that was all the thought I gave Amandas' comment to me!
The following evening after my dinner,
I sat upon deck once more. I had my
eyes closed just listening to the
evening breeze until I heard a feminine
voice say, "Good evening Dr. Dana
I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful
blue skirt softly shifting with the
breeze before me.
I glanced up to see a beautiful
woman and said, "Good evening, do I know you?"
"Amanda Hurly, we met the other
evening. I asked the steward your name, I
hope you don't mind!"
"Well, my manners, I'm sorry, excuse
me. Please, won't you have a seat Miss
Hurly or is it Mrs. Hurly?"
"It's Amanda, please."
She sat beside me and I turned to
face her and said, "Is there something I
can do for you Miss Hurly?"
"Perhaps you can Dr. Lassen.
You see, I've got this problem with my heart!"
"I'm not a surgeon Miss Hurly.
I'm a Naturopathic Doctor. I deal with
holistics, Accupressure and Acupuncture.
I've even delivered a few children!"
"I see! And how is it you
think I can assist you Miss Hurly?"
"I'd like it very much if you'd
accept my invitation to dinner tomorrow
evening in my cabin!"
She handed me a card and stood up!
I stood up! She said, "Good night Dr.
Lassen!" And, I watched her
I sat down and opened the card she
handed me, which had her cabin number upon
it and that dinner was at 7pm!
Her cabin was opposite mine!!
Then, I realized what she
said!!!! IN-LOVE???!!! How could my having
dinner with her in her cabin tomorrow
evening help her if she was in-love???
I've certainly assisted some of
my clients in their personal affairs before
but how could I possibly help Miss
Hurly? In-Love, God! what does she want
me to do? Help her go after
who she's in-love with or what???
I'm suppose to be on vacation!!!
I sat up all night trying to imagine
how to even assist this woman who was
requesting this private consultation
with me! I even tried to think up
excuses of how to bow out!!
I couldn't think of any!
I canceled my evening dinner for
my cabin for that evening and literally
spent the day in my room!
I began to get ready at 6:30pm taking
a shower and putting on a nice suit! I
had no idea what Miss Hurly was
going to ask me and tried to keep my mind
clear as I politely knocked upon
her cabin door promptly at 7pm!
She opened her door to me and my
God she was dressed so beautifully I
couldn't speak at first! She
had a beautiful black evening dress on and was
simply stunning to view.
There was a small dining table set
in her cabin with candles lit, wine and
covered dishes...the works!!!
Even soft music played!
She said, "Good evening Dr. Lassen,
I'm so glad you decided to come. You
look so handsome, please come in."
"Miss Hurly, you look magnificent
if I may say so."
"Thank you Dr. Lassen."
I followed her to the table and
politely sat her and sat myself opposite her.
She literally proceeded to serve
When she poured the wine to my glass
I said, "Miss Hurly....." she stopped
pouring the wine and looked into
my eyes so softly. "....Amanda, I'm afraid
I don't understand!?"
She so calmly said, "I guess it's
been a long time for you Dr. Lassen and I
perhaps don't know all of the circumstances
that surround your personal
affairs but I've never not trusted
my heart and I know when it's in-love!"
"Miss Hurly....Amanda, I'm sorry,
how many times has your heart been in-love
"This is the first time Dr. Lassen
and I'm just a little fearful, but it's a
"Miss Hurly, are you saying what
I think I'm hearing?"
"What do you think you're hearing
"Are you actually saying you're...
"Oh! My God! What have I done
to.....?" She stood up and came to stand near
me. I literally felt myself
tremble as she approached me!
She touched my hair so softly and
held my face in her hands and she actually
leaned down to kiss me.
I stood up and looked at her.
She reached to place her arms over my
shoulders and leaned to kiss me
It took me a while, but I did place
my hands to hold her and I did return her
kiss to her, embracing her in my
She continued to kiss with me so
deeply, so sweetly to surrender. It seemed
as if she were melting my shell
away that was so hardened and she knew it!
I felt myself actually loosen.
That's when she stopped kissing me!
She took my hand and picked up her
wine glass and told me to pick up my wine
glass as she took me to her bedroom.
I watched her sip her wine and put
the glass down. She removed the glass
from my hand after I took a sip.
Then, she began to remove my jacket very
slowly as she gently embraced my
She unbuttoned my shirt and pulled
it from my trousers.
Then, she literally turned me to
sit at the edge of her bed and handed me my
I can't tell you.....I sat and watched
her very slowly, very hotly, very open
passioned strip her clothes off
her body right before my eyes!
The only light in the cabin was
from the candles upon the table.
She danced so incredibly sybaritic
before me, so naked, so beautiful was her
form to shape!
Then, she stood so in front of me
as my eyes were so helplessly locked onto
her. She removed the wine
glass from my hand and took my hands and placed
them upon her breasts and squeezed
my hands to squeeze her breasts as she
openly moaned and sighed with the
I stood up, feeling half out of
She removed my shirt, then she put
her warm, naked arms over my shoulders and
pressed her hot body to mine.
She openly said to me, "Love me
Dr. Lassen and if you can't remember how,
then FUCK ME!"
I put my arms around her and embraced
her so fully to kiss her.
I turned her to lay her upon the
bed and laid myself against her, still with
my trousers on and slowly began
to ravish her burning hot flesh as she moaned
and roamed so deeply underneath
my weight. She felt so incredible to touch
and taste, I can't begin to tell
She drove me out of my mind with
desire for her. I loved her so tenderly
until she bit my shoulder and dug
her nails into my back and arms and
demanded I fuck her senselessly.
She rose me from the dead and out
burst a most insanely taking soul escaped
that I fucked her so intensely we
fell off the bed and were rolling all over
the floor! I was insane for
her, she had me insane for her! She had me so
beyond myself, I didn't know who
Her screams were so intense she
tore a pillow apart with her teeth!!!
We laid in a pool of wet love and
ravish, barely able to breathe!
She literally rolled herself to
lay on top of me and said, "Oh! Dr. Lassen,
I'm so IN-LOVE with you! It's
been a long time for you hasn't it Doc! But I
just want you to know, I'm not letting
you get away! I'm just beginning, so
tell me Doc....Tell me how you feel
baby! I won't leave you!"
"Amanda...Oh! God!..." I began
She held me like I was her baby!
She kissed my face, she embraced my soul in her arms, she told me I deserved
the world! Then, Amanda did the one thing I never, ever dreamt of!
Amanda tenderly made love to my virgin self!
For the remaining month and a half
of the cruise, Amanda and I grew to know one another. Our days and
evenings were spent talking. She had me conversing and confessing
my soul to her about my full self and all I honestly desired. My
past, my present and yes, even my future....our future. She gave
me an undivided attention that I never knew existed and I gave her the
Upon our return to solid ground,
Amanda and I continued our relationship and it took us a year and a half
before we decided to live together because we wanted to both be sure!
And Amanda......never serves me
spaghetti of any kind!