My Life
©2000 by Carol Marie

I was thinking back a year ago.. this time. I was out sailing in the bay aboard the most beautiful sloop I had ever seen, less owned. She was a 67 ft Little Harbor with Frers racing lines. Sometimes I flew brigantine for that Pirates flair, sometimes just the regs... but always she looked pristine.
I raced often in that last year, like so many years before that. I fancied myself a pirate. I even wore clothing designed for that era.  Sometimes I kept a small scabbard in the sash I wore around my waist.  Sometimes a hook (plastic) on my left hand, other times that same hand carried a toy pistol that when shot made a great popping sound. I kept a tankard hanging from the leathered chest harness that I wore for effect when cruising.

My crew members even went along with the whole pirate scenario, I think more to please me, but all in all it was great fun.

We sailed across the Pacific many times, through the Panama Canal, across the Atlantic to Australia, many trips to the Caribbean to play in the waters where the fabled tales of the sea originated.

Sometimes dressed as pirates we would hail to Barbados to hang out all day in the Mount Gay Rum Distillery. Ahhh yes, many fine memories.

I've stopped sailing for a bit these days. I don't have my boat anymore. I lost it in a squabble with the state of California. They saw fit to erase the world I had known. They took every last penny and what they didn't take, the famed IRS took the rest and still they wait for blood money.

Sometimes when I walk down to the harbor to watch the boats sail by, a tear falls from my eyes, for that which I once had. It was my foolishness that cost me dearly a pirates ransom, though in looking back, I realize now how very fortunate I really am. 

You see, while still out there in the Gulf waters, I came across a land wench.  She started writing me and even though I was scrambling amidst a terrible eddy, she stayed with me. She continued to write me and insisted we meet.  I thought to myself that I had little to offer this womyn, embroiled in legal matters that would soon lead to doom, I tried to run away from her. But she persisted and wanted to know me still.... I wanted to know me as well.

You see, all those years I thought I was happy and when it all came washing away to sea without me, I wondered, even cried at my misfortune. I really thought I had reached the abyss of my life... but this womyn made it all seem different.

She was the drug I had been searching for, the next big race, the endless love story, the timeless energies. She was the flowered beauty, the femme fatale, the sweetest womyn that had ever happened to me. Soon I saw my life different. OK, I had no money and had to get a real job to pay my bills, but I doubt I could ever say before that I was this happy.

She makes me smile even when all around me life sucks. She makes me laugh and sometimes I even cry because it is so damn sweet with her. Never before have I felt so much emotion... so much love.

So I was wondering, without a ship, am I still a pirate. I have searched and have now found my most adored treasure. Never will I search again. Life is so very rich. 

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