My Mind Walk
©1998 by Epsilon

           As I walked through the ever blackening mists of my own mind for what seemed to me to be the millionth time in my young life. I happened upon a small well. A well here in my mind?  How odd...But then again, not as odd as being so alone and bored as to take a stroll in one's own mind. As I was saying, there to the side of the main path I was walking along, was a small stone well. I walked cautiously towards the moss covered stone pit for a closer look. To my own silly surprise I found water within it. Not just any water though. Oh no, clear and unbelievably still water filled the well almost to the very top edge. The surface was so smooth and perfect in every way it had seemed. 

           Before I knew what it was doing my hand slipped down to the surface to touch this breathtaking vision of peaceful stillness. As soon as my fingertips grazed the calm face a terrifying shriek of anguish and alarm ripped through the silence of my mind. I pulled my hand away in shock and horror. Not understanding what I had done I looked straight into the depths of the now rippled pool. I saw myself staring back at me. Or what appeared to be me, at least it would have been me if it did not have such a look of incredible pain on its' face.  That and she looked about twenty years older than I did. 

           "Why?" she asked me softly. She suddenly rose from the pool. Glimmering and moving with liquid grace. I realized that she was, in fact, composed of the water from the well. She was bluish silver in color and was truly beautiful to behold. I stood frozen, my hands leaning on the stone rim of the pool for support. With her right hand she reached out to touch my face. Her touch was like burning ice. She was so very cold…She scared me in a way I did not understand. And yet, I did not pull away. 

           "Who are you? What are you?" I gasped. She smiled. It was a sweet almost loving smile and her eyes seemed to fill with an intense silver fire. The hand caressing my cheek slipped around to the back of my neck as her other arm snaked around my waist. She pulled me forward and moved closer to the edge of the well. 

           She leaned down and whispered in my ear, "I am your ultimate." She pulled back and looked into my eyes for a moment. Her own eyes flashed with a brighter flame. I stared back at her in wonder. I was in the arms of a liquid silver copy of myself claiming to be my what? I snapped back into reality…or what you could assume to be reality when wandering through your mind and stumbling upon a silver clone telling you she's your ultimate. What the hell did she mean my ultimate?! 

           "What the…?! What do you mean? What are you?!" I pulled back violently and stepped away from the rim. Her eyes seemed to dull slightly and then start to fade altogether. For some strange reason I was compelled to move, very quickly I might add, back to her side and reach out to her. I had the feeling that I couldn't let her slip back into that water…or whatever it was. I grasped her hand firmly and pulled her into my arms. 

           She smiled and spoke to me softly, "I knew you wouldn't let me go. I am here as I always have been. Don't you remember me? Don't you remember…us?" She words pierced my heart. Tears began to stream down my face as the memories of her rushed back. How I had fallen and twisted my ankle, while playing in the backfield of my country home when I was a small child. She had been there and she had soothed my pain and helped me back to my home. Of the nights I spent in terror as the shadows over took the moon's light and crawled towards me. She was there and protected me with her light. She had a shimmering sword and she had used to slash their chests and ward them away. When I had played baseball and could not throw the ball far enough. She had filled my right arm with fire and sent the ball soaring in the air on more than one occasion. 

           These were only a few of the memories that crashed back into my mind. She was always there for me when I needed her. She took my pain and fear away. She had given me strength and hope. She fought for me and protected me. But why had I lost her memory? How did I lose her? When did I forget her? 

           "Forgive me…" I choked out in a ragged sob, "Please forgive me…" She smiled and rose up higher, cradling me in her loving embrace. She stroked my hair back and let me cry into her shoulder. She whispered soothing words of love to me and kissed my forehead and cheeks. I found myself in the well with her now. Pressed tightly to her and holding on for what seemed to be dear life. It was then that I noticed her touch was now warm and comforting. I also noted that I did not get wet at all even though I was emerged in the water from the well.  "There is nothing to forgive, my sweet. I had to leave you. You didn't forget me. I left you so many years ago for it was time that you lived your life without me in it. You needed to forget me, so that you might let what we were go easier. We said good-bye next to this well. That is when I held you and kept you safe for the last time. You were never supposed to see me again. You were never allowed to touch the water. Do you remember that?" She asked softly, her voice flooding through me like it always has. 

           "Yes, but I had forgotten…I was sad and alone. I went exploring for something to fill the loneliness…like I used to. Did I hurt you? You looked like I hurt you when I touched the water." I whispered into her neck. She smiled. I always could tell when she was smiling.  "It hurt, yes. But I am fine now. Oh look at you, you have grown so much! You look so different!" She laughed softly and held me tighter. 

           "I have to go don't I?" I said sadly and pulled away slightly. The silver beauty kept on smiling at me and her eyes danced. She reached out and stroked my cheek gently. 

           "Yes, little one, you do. But you can come back soon. You can come back and tell me how you are doing. Now that you no longer need me you can see me again." She smiled broadly and her silver skin seemed to brighten. 

           "Really? We can be together like we used to?" I asked hopefully. My mind filled with all the adventures we would share again. 

           "No, little one. Not like that. We can never be like we used to. I think you knew that. You can see me again in your dreams. I no longer have to banish myself from the realms of your unconscious like I had to all these years. I am with you again. You have my strength, love.  You needed it so long ago when you were a child, but now you have it for another reason."  She said gently and kissed my forehead. I hugged her tightly and buried my face in her chest. I didn't want to let her go again. I loved her. She was always there for me and always protected me when I was a young child. But I knew that I had to let go. I also knew that I had to get back to the real world. This exploring of the mind stuff took time and energy and I was getting tired. I lifted my head up and kissed her lips lightly. She kissed me back tenderly and smiled that brilliant smile of hers. 

           "I love you." I whispered into her cheek and then pulled away. I climbed out of the well slowly and looked back at her. Her eyes were still ablaze with that amazing fire and she seemed to radiate calming warmth. 

           "I love you too." She breathed and slipped smoothly into the water's surface again. I looked into the pool but did didn't see her. I did, however, see a silver light coming from the depths of the clear pool. I smiled and stepped away from the well. 

           As I ambled slowly back towards the path I was filled with a sense of utter joy. I had found my guardian again. She was my childhood protector. The one who had saved me from the dark shadows of the night and my own fears. I would never have to forget her or our love again. This sudden realization caused a huge smile to spread across my face. I stuck my hands in my pockets and whistled a tune as I walked back to the real world and out of the now brightened mists of my mind… 

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